Is Your Relationship Sabotaging Your Friendships?

We’ve all been there. Your bestie starts dating someone new and all of a sudden you feel yourself becoming less of a priority. At first, you excuse it for the rush of a new flame, but sometimes it lasts longer than you’d expected and two years later you find out on Instagram they have a baby together (true story). You swear to yourself then and there that you’ll never do that to your friends when you meet that special someone. But will you be strong enough to keep your word? You will after reading this.

Are you actively listening?

The most basic principle of being a good friend is knowing how to listen. You know, when a friend needs to talk, and you’re there to support, to actually care, and to genuinely have their best interest in mind. If you find you can’t actively listen to your friends without eyeing your phone and wonder if your boo has texted back yet, consider this a red flag.

Are following up on plans?

Sure, your new boyfriend is dreamy and you can make googly eyes at each other for days on end. But has it been distracting you from holding up your part of the plans you made with your close friends? In many friendships, there is one side that’s a little more administrative and organized, but you should always be mindful to not disrespect that side. Next time they tell you to bring a salad to Linda’s birthday — bring it.

Are you missing out on big news?

If your bestie used to give you all the big updates in person and now you’re getting them from social media, odds are your relationship has led you astray from your friendship. Make things right while you still can.

Do your friends want to spend time with both of you?

Your friends know you better than anyone. They were there before your dude came along, and if they are any good, they will be there if things don’t work out between you two. If they don’t want to hang out with both of you, they must have a point. Maybe you’re different when you’re around him. After all, he’s not the one who held your hair back when you couldn’t handle the champagne at Barbara’s birthday party. This relationship could be spoiling your friendships.

Bae is not okay with you hanging out with your bestie?

This one is not only dangerous for friendships, it’s dangerous for you. A partner that is too jealous, passionate, or controlling is the first sign of an unhealthy relationship that can easily turn abusive. In that case, don’t ignore the sign and break things off at once. If you feel like a breakup might put you at greater risk, talk to your friends or family, let them know, ask for help, or have them call a helpline for you if necessary.